When Motherhood Doesn’t Feel Like What You Expected

Motherhood brings moments of joy that feel almost impossible to describe, but it can also bring a kind of loneliness and overwhelm that catch many women off guard. Almost everyone tells you what to put on your registry or how to swaddle a baby. Very few people talk honestly about the emotional reality of becoming a mother. Many moms find themselves wondering why the experience does not match what they imagined, and this can create quiet shame that is difficult to talk about.

The truth is that motherhood is not one single feeling. It is a constant blend of love, exhaustion, curiosity, fear, tenderness, and grief. It is missing your old life while loving your child more than anything. It is feeling grateful and drained at the exact same time. If your days look nothing like what you pictured during pregnancy, you are not doing anything wrong. You are navigating something complex that changes you from the inside out.

A big part of the emotional shift comes from matrescence, the process of becoming a mother and redefining your identity in the process. Many women expect the physical recovery to be the hardest part, but the emotional transition can feel even more intense. You might notice parts of yourself you have not met before, or realize you are grieving the version of you who had more freedom and fewer responsibilities. This is not a failure. It is a natural response to a major life transformation that most people are not prepared to talk about.

For moms who experience perinatal anxiety or postpartum depression, this disconnect from expectations can feel even sharper. You might find yourself watching everyone else look effortless while you struggle to get through the day. You may wonder why you are not feeling the joy people talk about. These feelings deserve care, not judgment. There is nothing wrong with you for needing support during a season that is emotionally and physically demanding.

Therapy can help bring clarity to this transition. It offers a space where you can say the honest things you hold back from others. Through approaches like mindfulness and Internal Family Systems therapy, you can explore the parts of you that feel overwhelmed or disconnected and begin to understand what those parts need. You can learn to move through this season with more self compassion, more grounding, and more confidence in your own instincts. Motherhood may not look like what you expected, but that does not mean you cannot find a version of it that feels more aligned with who you are becoming.

If you want more support, reflections, and real talk about motherhood, you can connect with me on Instagram:@chaoticmomtherapyhttps://www.instagram.com/chaoticmomtherapy/